Category Archives: Humor

Drama queens – repeat blog entry

The other blog entry that Simeon posted that some people have not been able to open is re-posted below. Hope you are able to pick it up this time:

There’s more drama in Mum and Dad’s life than that in a marathon of amateur Shakespeare recitals!

The last blog post had doctors diagnosing the cause of all the bleeding he’d been having. Much blood has dripped down the drain since then.

He underwent a procedure on Wednesday afternoon to cauterize the wounds in his bowel and to stitch up a leaking

Sharing the drama!

mesenteric artery. Following a dose of fresh blood, Dad’s color and character returned, slowly, but he did improve.

Dad was discharged around midday on Thursday from hospital. I went and picked him up and on his way home he (or the morphine) wondered out loud where we should go for lunch. When Dad is told that he can “go home” what he hears is: “you’re good to go”.

In spite of Mum’s and my strong suggestions that given he’d lost around 3.5 liters of blood since the weekend, he really should just put his feet up and rest – he didn’t. Well he tried, but resting isn’t in his nature. If he’s still ‘above ground’ and there’s work to be done, he sets about to get it done.

This morning over breakfast he told me he’d lost some more blood during the night. To say that was disappointing news to hear is an understatement. We were all so hopeful that Wednesday’s procedure would be ‘it’ for a while. While I was finishing my morning coffee and he was having his potions and elixirs, the plaintive call of “Doug” came from the bathroom. Mum had had one of her turns and this time she was the patient and Dad was the nurse.

Shortly after lunch, Dad checked his colostomy bag to find that there was more blood and that there was a constant drip into the bag. Mum and I decided that we wouldn’t muck around and we’d just get him to the hospital to get him looked at (actually ‘treated’ is a different matter). While I was helping Dad get his stuff together, Mum called St Johns Ambulance for advice. They told us to wait there, they were sending some Ambos round.

While the St John’s boys were prepping Dad for the trip to hospital, Mum had another of her turns and they looked at her and decided that they should take her as well. Sweet, I thought, a quiet afternoon for me. Being the father of three young kids, I realize that an ambulance house call is not a crisis moment – it’s a Kodak moment! I got my camera out and snapped away. If only I’d had the foresight to grab the video camera I might have been able to engineer an entry to Funniest Home Videos. ‘Always be prepared’ and all that. Alas, I’m no boy scout.

With the afternoon with the parents out of the house, I set about trying to organize some of Dad’s files. No sooner had I written my siblings out of the Will than I got a phone call from Dad to say that I could come and pick them up. To say that was disappointing news to hear is an understatement – I hadn’t chucked a ‘save’ the corrected document yet!

There’s possibly a more accurate version of events, but I can only call them as I see them. Perhaps Dad will give you his perspective when he’s feeling a little better.

‘Till next time… Sim.

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Posted by on 6 September, 2011 in Humor, Medical, Personal, Photos


Be careful what you say – some people aren’t listening

Sometimes I get a little weary of always having to explain to well-meaning people how I am feeling.
The other day I decided to be a little cryptic in my reply. A medical person asked me how I was, and I replied, “I am not as good as I was yesterday but definitely better than I will be tomorrow!” The medico responded, “Oh, that’s good” and I nearly brained him.

How often do we ask questions and expect the usual platitudinal answer. How often do we not hear answers to the questions we ask other people? And perhaps I especially need to be careful how I answer people lest someone really believe a facetious answer I may give.


Posted by on 28 March, 2011 in Humor, Personal


Benefits in my situation

I was whipping the cream and licking the beater as Bronwen prepared her special boysenberry fluff dessert for tomorrow. I suddenly realised that one good thing about my medical condition is that no-one has been concerned about my cholesterol for the past two years!!

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Posted by on 24 December, 2010 in Humor, Personal


Where is a doctor when you need one?

I’ve just had a run of meeting my doctors informally away from the hospital.

On Wednesday afternoon I took Abe and Phoebe fishing down at a Nelson wharf. We heard a cheery ‘hello Doug’ and there was my Oncologist sitting at an adjacent cafe having lunch with her husband and son. After they had finished their meal they came to inspect our prowess. We caught nothing.

Then on Saturday Bronwen and I were at Kaiteriteri eating lunch outside the Shoreline Cafe. Again I heard a cheery greeting. This timeI it was the Nelson Hospital Surgical Registrar who was there with his girlfriend.

On Sunday afternoon on our way home to Nelson to join Abe’s birthday party BBQ at the beach, I needed to find a clean rest-room. We stopped at the Nelson airport. As I came out of the airport, I again received a cheery greeting and a friendly handshake – this time by my surgeon. He informed me that I was due to see him this week for a colonoscopy and gastroscopy. I had heard nothing officially but told him that was welcome news.

I couldn’t help laughing as I returned to the car. I may not understand what is going on with my body, but there is no mistaking the little signs that God has His eye and care upon me.

On the other hand, you know you’ve been in hospital too often when the specialist doctors greet you in public by your first name!

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Posted by on 15 November, 2010 in Humor, Medical, Personal


Cancer etiquette

When a person has cancer it is often hard to know what to say to them, and for them it is often hard to know how much to tell about their condition.

An article on the web by Christopher Hitchens on Cancer Etiquette is a must read to help understand the plight of those who dwell in “Well Land” and “Tumour Town”. From what I’ve experienced, I think Christopher sums it up perfectly. The short, easy to read article is called

Miss Manners And the Big C

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Posted by on 9 November, 2010 in Humor, Medical, Personal


Meet King Julian

We have been looking for a name for my stoma. I have no control over when it decides to make unsociable noises of ‘move’. The grand children think its funny and often want to know what it is saying to me. While we were in Canberra last week Simeon came up with the name King Julian (of the animated movie, Madagascar, fame).

Now if I am stuck behind someone in a check-out queue or in an otherwise quiet prayer meeting and the stoma decides to make its presence heard I don’t have to advise people “I have a surgical device” and make them envious. Now I can just tell them its King Julian and he likes to “move it, move it”!

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Posted by on 22 April, 2010 in Humor